Crossroads

I know you've all been waiting for some kind of word. The last few years have been life changing for me, and the last few days have brought me to life's crossroads. There are some folks out there who are amazingly fortunate - those who not only find that special someone - but manage to make their relationship grow closer and stronger over the years. Then, there are others who just seem to grow apart as they grow older, and become different people with the passage of time and experiences. For a while now, I've realized that my wife and I were sadly part of the latter, when we'd always hoped to be the former.

Yesterday, after almost 13 years of marriage, my wife and I agreed to separate. It is something I've felt was coming for a long time. I really think she did too, deep down, but was in denial of it. For a long time now, we've struggled to maintain the status quo for the sake of our kids and her family. It isn't easy to realize and admit to one's self that staying together while unhappiness and unfulfillment runs deep is ultimately self-defeating. It's even harder to remain faithful to something that has been reduced to little more than symbols of faded gold and gleaming diamonds, their worth now only to be found through a jeweler's glass.

For a while now I've thought my chances to be really happy had long passed me by, and that separating would be the beginning of a long, and lonely struggle. So when fate brought me a second chance at happiness a short time ago, I realized I had to follow my heart. I'll be 44 this fall, and it's very clear to me that there are likely fewer days ahead for me than there are behind. Since some people never realize true happiness in their lives, throwing this chance away was something I just couldn't do. As bikers, we often talk of nothing ventured, nothing gained, live for the moment, and carpe diem. If we were the type of people who always played it safe, we wouldn't be able to go out there and do what we do. It was time for me to walk the walk.

As we move on, I'll tell you more about her, but for now the word 'amazing' is a good start. Beautiful, smart, strong and sensual are a few others. There are many, many more, and yes, she rides her own. I'm so glad to have it out in the open now, because out of respect for both her and my wife I had to make a choice or it could not go on. The only thing harder than making that choice was telling our kids about it. I am happy to be able to say that all have handled the news far, far better than I expected. As I long suspected, my wife was not very happy in our marriage either, so this is a chance for her to seek her second chance too, and I wish her nothing but the best. Because we are 100% devoted to making this as easy as possible for the children, we have agreed to treat each other with respect, and settle our divorce as amicably as possible.

I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I am very happy. I finally realized that the big house and all the stuff inside is just stuff. It means nothing without the right person to share it with. As long as I have my bike and my soulmate to share the ride, I need few material things. She has invited me to share her life, and welcomed me into her cozy and comfortable home. Having her be there for me as my wife and I work to finalize our affairs has given me a new strength I didn't know I had, and a very strange sense of peace.

All I can ask of all of you is your understanding...and maybe that you wish me luck if you want to. Time to venture down a whole new road...

Blackstone Gets a Dry Day in Laconia

One get's the feeling around here lately that we're living in Old England rather than New England it's been raining so much this month. The sun has been more scarce around here than hookers in Vatican City, and believe me when I tell you, it's getting old. At least most of the rain has been during the week, and has spared most of our June rides so far. All eyes were on the forecast at the end of last week because this past Saturday was Jackson's annual Day Ride to Laconia Bike Week in New Hampshire. For a while it looked like only ducks would be having a good time there, but we lucked out and got the only passable day of the weekend. We left around 9 in the morning and had a cloudy but dry 140 mile ride up to the rally. Naturally, since it was a Jackson ride, the first thing we did when we got there is find a bar.


After quenching our thirst with the traditional "Blackstone 1," which is really 3, we headed next door to check out the goings on at the local Harley dealership. What a surprise...they had beer over there too. They had tons of tee shirts as you'd expect, and lots of vendors.


I don't remember if it was at this booth or one like it down at Weir's Beach that Jackson and Michele bought a luggage bag for the back of the bike, but they got a nice one for only 60 bucks.


Jackson doesn't have saddlebags on his Deluxe, and honestly I don't know how Michele and he have gotten by this long without them, but now they at least have a roomy, portable bag to keep their stuff in when they're on the bike. It got used right away too as you see here right before we left - I think they must've bought at least 8 tee shirts.


I wasn't on a mission for lots of über sexy biker chick pics on this trip like I usually am. For one thing, there were cops everywhere, and I heard that the fine for indecent exposure up there is around $250. So, there were no titty shows in Laconia. I did see the Harley-Davidson "Mystique" in action though, this time in the form of this über cool biker lady with her son in tow. Sorry it's a crappy picture, but people move fast at these things. I didn't see a guy with her, and I think a woman who rides her own and brings her son with her to a rally is what it's really all about. I really like her boots too; I thought they were very cool looking. I betcha that kid's friends use any excuse they can find to come hang at his house!


Ok, before you think I'm not feeling well or something, there were a couple of cool chicks putting on a little biker style acrobatics for the crowd...








I have to give them credit...I wouldn't do it!


The funky sky in this one made me think "Riders on the Storm."


Witness the only two chicks at the rally who were able to get high in front of the cops and not get busted for it.


Fans of SOA were happy to see they had a small SAMCRO "clubhouse" set up, and being a fan I had to go in and check it out. Call me crazy, but I have a feeling this dude's tee shirt didn't do much for him with the ladies...






Replica of SAMCRO VP Jackson Teller's cut. That was pretty cool, although I'm sure that the 81 members who were there weren't impressed.






Even though we had a great time, it was more about being with a great group of people for me than it was the place or the events. Most of you know that a rally is basically a rally. Been to one; been to 'em all. This was my first trip to Laconia, but Jackson and Michele have gone every year for 25 years, and they say it used to be much more fun years ago before the cops cracked down and ruined the more wild atmosphere that is really what draws people. New Hampshire, like Massachusetts, is of course controlled by Democrats, and the party that sells itself as being for the "working man" is doing everything it can to just about outlaw fun in the two states. I don't know why we squawk so much about North Korea, because we're turning into it. Am I saying there shouldn't have been Staties there? No. But, one every 100 feet is a little excessive.


Sorry, I digress. Like the saying goes, this was about the journey not the destination. As the afternoon passed, we noticed the clouds getting darker and meaner looking, and getting out of there was gonna take some time. There was nasty traffic, backed up for a half mile in places, and we all needed gas. By the time we were back on the highway heading for home, the sky was really ugly. Our good luck held though, and we did the trip back without a drop of rain, which started falling within an hour after we got home.

My first trip to the legendary Laconia was memorable in so many ways. I wish I could share every single thing that made it special for me, but I think this post is long enough. Like anytime a group of bikers ride out on an adventure, there are plenty of stories to share, and a few that always have to stay where they belong: On the road.

Jon and Kate Plus Hate!

After Britney Spears, Michele Obama, the recession, and anything advertised for "just $19.95, but if you call now we'll double your order," allow me to add Jon and Kate Plus 8 to the list of things I'm sick and tired of hearing about.

Is he cheating on her, how much plastic surgery has she had, why did they spend their 10th Anniversary apart..? Blah, blah, blah... Enough already! Who cares? I wouldn't even bother giving this pseudo-reality silliness air time here if it wasn't for the latest outrage by what Brother D-Day calls "The Orange County Osbournes." Yup, that's right, the gang from OCC showed up to give the first "octomom" a ride on the back of Paul Sr.'s bike. Suggesting this silly photo-op in capri pants and peep-toes makes Kate Gosselin a "biker chick" brings about an immediate **gag** reflex.

This is an insult to all the real biker chicks out there who put their trust in their man and ride on back all the time. It's also uncomplimentary to the growing number of women who've overcome the stereotypes and had the brass to ride up front. Am I over-reacting? Maybe. Obviously TLC is using all at their disposal to boost the ratings of both shows because that's the television business. At least when OCC visited Sarah Palin, even though her known "outdoorsy" background would have made it more believable, the Governor had enough class not to lower herself to doing an unconvincing trip around the block on the back of a bike in a silly attempt to convince people that she's "cool."

Watch the video. Tell us all what YOU think about it. Is Kate Gosselin a biker chick? I think not.

Is Kate Gosselin an 'American Chopper' Biker Chick? @ Yahoo! Video

Knees in the Breeze Weekend

Last Friday we said our final farewells to my wife's Dad, and it was a tough day to end a tough week. By the time we got back to the house, we were both really tired and in bed early. I awoke on Saturday morning refreshed and ready, but as usual I was also flying by the seat of my pants. At 11:30 I was leading the Chapter on a lunch ride to my favorite pizza joint back in my old stomping grounds, and with all that had gone on with my father-in-law, I never had time to pre-ride the route. Part of me wanted to say "screw it" and just wing it - I knew how to get there just fine. The thing was they have the damned roads torn up just about everywhere around here right now, and safety was my big concern. I couldn't allow my laziness to possibly result in a rider down, so I jumped in the cage and hit the road.


I was glad I decided not to be a lazy ass. The first major backroad I was planning on using was completely closed to through-traffic due to construction. Another part of my route took me past the High School in the Town of Avon, and there was a cop in a traffic vest standing out in front of it. On a Saturday? I pulled over to talk to the cop and found out they were having graduation ceremonies later on in the morning, right about when I'd have been leading a bunch of bikes through there. Changing the route to avoid that was no problem and I found no other issues. By the time I got my ass home and on the bike I was running way late. I pulled into the rally point at just a click before 11:30, and when I shut the bike off I heard the beeps from my phone, indicating the gratuitous "Where the F R U?" text messages.


It was all good though, and we had 10 on 8 when we started off. The ride up was overcast and cool, but by the time we finished lunch the sun was out and it was warming up. I had a new member named Susan (in the pic, right front) to watch out for on this run, and she had done just fine on the ride up. The planned ride back would involve some highway time, but she'd never ridden on the highway before. I told her not to feel pressured to do it if she wasn't ready, and said I'd just stick to the secondary roads. After a few she told me she wanted to do it, and that she was sure. I kept it to 65 in the middle lane and she did great, even with a small patch of grooved pavement to negotiate. We all arrived safe at the Boneyard, and introduced Susan to post-ride tradition. She said she really enjoyed her first group ride. Seems to me I was the one saying that just a few short years ago.



This is a picture of Blackstone lined up in the park where we ended our ride in the City of Attleboro's Memorial Day Parade. I had said a few posts back that because of the bad news about my father-in-law I really didn't feel like writing about it. I took a lot of pictures though, so I still want to share them. I figured the easiest thing to do was put them in a slide show along with the pics from the annual Unity Ride fund raiser for Disabled American Veterans we did this past Sunday. It was a beautiful day just like last year, and the police escorted ride was great except for the rock minefield of a construction zone they took us through. At the pre-ride safety briefing one of the cops said, "I rode my bike through there twice yesterday and I didn't fall down." I'm sure the guy on the hard-tail chopper with the kidney belt appreciated that.

Anyway, it was a great weekend and the riding really helped me to de-stress from last week. I just wish my wife could appreciate it like I do because I know she could use it, but she still has no interest in going. Under the circumstances though, she's doing better than I expected. It's just going to take some time. If Grey's Anatomy and Jon and Kate Plus 8 helps her de-stress, I say "Whatever works." For me, there's no substitute for having my knees in the breeze. You really never do see a Harley parked in front of a psychiatrist's office.

Enjoy the slide-show. The music is Jackie Blue by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. I've always been a sucker for those 1970's 45 one-hit wonders I grew up with.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Also, I took a little video of the US Marine Corps Marching Band at the parade and they can play! Check it out if you're interested; it's only a couple of minutes long.

Obama-Man Can

Last week was rough, but things are starting to come around now. I did some riding this weekend under beautiful skies, in the company of some great people, and it was truly a cure for all ills. I'm putting another post together about the rides right now, but in the meantime besides checking back in I found something to share for a few laughs.

A friend sent this to me and I really enjoyed it. It's one of those morning radio skits where they change the words in a song to goof on somebody. In this case, the song is The Candy Man, and the goof is none other than President HOPENCHANGE. So, take a few and have a few laughs. Check back later for a new post on this past weekend's great riding.

Thank You All So Much

Rather than go through all the comments and respond as I usually do, I thought it would be easier to thank all of you together. I am very grateful to those of you who took a few minutes out of your own busy lives to share your thoughts and words of support when I needed them. These past few days have been difficult, and the days ahead are sure to be also. My wife's father passed away this afternoon at a little after 4pm. My wife was there with him, along with her mother and two brothers, and she described it as truly amazing.

Apparently they all knew the end was near and one of my wife's brothers suggested they call for the last rites. A local priest came, and as she tells it, as he finished the sacrament and said either "go with God," or "go with Christ," there was a great rush of wind through the open windows. With the completion of the Anointing of the Sick, my wife's Dad took his last breath and passed, just as the breeze seemed to leave the room like some great vacuum. She said there was an amazing stillness afterwards, and that she really felt as if maybe there is someone waiting for us all on the other side.

I don't know about that; it was a fairly windy day today in the Boston area. All that counts is that if what happened in those few seconds made my wife and her family feel a bit better about what they were witnessing, then that's really all that is important. I'm glad for all of them that it was merciful and quick, and that they were all there together to give each other strength, as all of you have given me.

Obviously my wife hasn't had the time to read any of this, but I have no doubt that when she does she will be both amazed and comforted by the well wishes of so many who are still strangers to her. There's a final journey that has to be completed now, and afterwards, I'll be back in touch. When all this is finally over, I know I'm going to need to go for a nice long ride to clear my head. Right now, all I can do is have a drink. If any of you are in a position to, I'd be pleased if you joined me in a little toast...

..."to Jim Sullivan, beloved Husband and Father. He was a good man. May God rest his soul."

Take care my friends, and again, thank you all very, very much for your kind thoughts and prayers. It is very much appreciated.

Return to Twilight

Ten years ago this July 4th weekend, my wife and I were enjoying a rare getaway for ourselves in Vermont. We had our very first cell phone with us, but back then it was for "emergency use only," and was always off. The plan we had gave us cheap monthly service in return for a ridiculous per-minute charge if we actually made a call, which was why we kept it off. That was fine with us - we really didn't want to hear from anybody. The Inn we were staying at had a land line naturally, and one afternoon when we came back from sight-seeing, there was a message taped to the door of our room. The familiar number had a Florida area code. My mother would never call me while I was on a vacation unless something was wrong, and there was. It was my father. Six hours later I was on a plane.

I was 33 years old, and going into a hospital room to see a man in the twilight of his life is one of the hardest things I'd ever done to that point. It's even harder when that person is your father. Remembering him lying there hooked up to all the IVs and listening to the beeping and thumping of a respirator just sends chills down my spine. When you see the doctor for the first time you already know before they say a word. It's in their eyes. It was so hard seeing him looking so frail and helpless. He was my Dad - the strongest guy in the world. As upset as I was, I had to hold together for my mother. It was especially hard for her after nearly 40 years together.

Now, as much as I wish I didn't have to say it, my wife has reached the twilight with her Dad. All the hope for fighting the good fight and recovery is gone now, and he's been sent to a hospice facility. From what I've been told it's only a matter of a few days now. I sort of had that feeling the other day when I saw him in the hospital, and I told my mother-in-law when I looked at him I could close my eyes and see my own father's face. My wife left work early on Friday and has been at his side with her mother ever since. She's coming home today just long enough to have a quick supper with us and grab some clothes and stuff. She'll be going back to her mother's, and I'll be waiting for a phone call.

Like my father did, he has a DNR, and I'm sure like my mother and I felt so long ago, his family would rather he not suffer for long. I know my wife feels that way. As much as the prospect of his loss saddens her, she doesn't want him to be in pain. When my mother and I made the decision to take my Dad off the respirator, he was gone in less than 24 hours. I know from experience that the waiting really tears you up; it was one of the longest nights of my life. For my father-in-law's sake, and for that of his wife and children, I hope the end is both peaceful and soon.

On top of all this, my brother-in-law's wife is due to give birth anytime now. The stress of losing his Dad on top of his wife about to have a baby must be unimaginable, and my heart really goes out to the guy. My wife doesn't think it's fair that her father will probably not get to see his new grandson, and she's really sad about it. I agree that the timing is...difficult at best. I just hope that as hard as the loss of her Dad will be, the birth of a new baby in the family may just be the positive boost everyone needs. We shall see.